Nourishment during Beginnings and Endings
We shall not cease from exploration / And the end of all our exploring / Will be to arrive where we started / And know the place for the first time.
T. S. Eliot, Four Quartets
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While I think this TS Eliot- quote says it all, you may have heard more contemporary versions, for example, “All endings are a beginning…or “Learning never ends”...Or “Maybe the journey is the goal” (most of us aren’t expecting this one). I think the hardest thing to prepare my clients for is the moment when they will feel like they have achieved their goal(s). There is usually the sense of anticipation that finally, they can take a break from the hard work that got them to “the end”. What would make achieving this hard? With each change, any of us makes, it ripples into the rest of our lives and creates the need for other changes. It is the nature of transformation. So, with one ending, another journey of change begins - again, often not in ways that were expected. I have found this can seem pretty overwhelming, as some past changes may have felt like a rock-climbing adventure.
I often think of transformation as a kaleidoscope. With each turn we are given a new way to consider each piece of glass and its new role in the art it has made. As your transformation begins, the place and purpose of your “pieces” will change. Old questions will arise to reconsider:
Do you have the brain space to tweak things to accommodate the “new you”? Is risk-taking required to continue with your goals? Will you have the support of others for your transformation? Does the new configuration help/hurt your efforts?
When healing your body and/or healing your heart, the transformation process can impact all of your being. It allows more of your True Self to show up. With this comes new eyes to see the world and the ability to do things differently- maybe with less struggle, maybe with more confidence. Definitely more energy and more creativity. Why does this happen during a time of transformation? Just like a growing child needs new clothes and shoes, the same applies here. It doesn’t make sense that the old ways would be part of the new times. But, with the new you comes a time of readjusting expectations of yourself and those around you (and they are re-adjusting to the new you, too*). Here’s an example of how this might show up:
Think of the person who has found going to the gym helps them feel great and lowers their blood pressure. The next step is making time to go to the gym. While this might sound simple, it is really triggering a cascade of (sometimes tough) decisions and changes. Some examples of affected areas in their lives that might require change are their work schedule, child care needs, time with a spouse, cooking dinner, visiting parents, household chores- the list goes on. Depending on your situation, it can feel like another rock-climbing expedition. I’ve found few of us include these types of transformations in our future plans. There is a good chance we’ve not been in this situation before.
And one more note about transformation. Sometimes the signs that things have changed can be delayed. Things may come up that seem to be a one-off event but continue to evolve into a long-term change (as with an extended illness of a child or parent). I think of the usual routine as a square peg that perfectly fits your square peg life. Things have shifted and left you with a rectangle peg. It can be hard to see these changes are becoming our new normal and require a different approach to maintain our goals. We are used to doing whatever it takes to maintain the status quo. Often going to extraordinary lengths - without realizing the level of effort we are putting forth and the ensuing fatigue. If this happens, small tweaks can go a long way. Stepping back from day to day activities and looking at the big picture can give some needed perspective. Sometimes this can be done on our own and sometimes another person’s view is needed. Either way, once identified, it is usually easy to sort out the changes that will help. Know the same skills you picked up developing behavior chains can be used during these times.
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A warning and a suggestion as you ease into achieving your goals, be gentle with yourself, for the journey is just beginning. Know it will always come with the promise of finding new parts of yourself along with new energy and insight into your transformation.
Reflection:
● What have been your moments of transformation in the last four to six months? Were there any patterns to your transformative process?
● There is a thought that transformation is the result of healing parts of ourselves. Do you have any examples of this in your life?
● There are usually early warning signs the old ways are no longer working as they have been. Examples include: not getting to the gym for a few days, sleeping too much, the return of old, troublesome behaviors, binging. What are the signs in your usual routine that can alert you to things that need to be tweaked? A list created before you need it can be helpful as it is hard to see “the forest for the trees” when you are in the thick of things.
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*Note: For an thoughtful example of how transformation can unfold , see my conversation with Bill Hoopes about his post-surgical journey. While focused on his recovery from gastric bypass surgery eight years ago, this conversation wasn’t about weight management or even surgery. It is a story about managing the changes that come with an event that involved mind, body and spirit and the many ways that transformation happens – and when and how it might be time to reconsider your game plan.
References:
“Heraclitus… says that all things pass and nothing stays, and comparing existing things to the flow of a river, he says you could not step twice into the same river.”